Enticed by PayTM coupons, man recharges his phone for one crore

Satire...

Bangalore: A mid-level manager based in Bangalore was shocked to learn that he had recharged his prepaid connection for crore rupees over a year. Apparently, Tadapit, the management professional in question, had been so engrossed in seeking the best deal online and recharging his mobile balance every day that he lost track of his bank balance.

“There is like a new coupon code that PayTM or Freecharge kept sending me every day, so I kept recharging my phone. I got so addicted to it that I didn’t realize how much I spent in recharging my prepaid balance,” Tadapit said.

“I only got to know I had recharged it for so much when someone from Airtel called me and told me I would get their Diamond Care package because I had over a crore in my prepaid balance. It seems my prepaid balance crossed even that of Sunil Mittal,” said Tadapit while showing us his prepaid balance.

“I don’t know how I am supposed to use this prepaid balance. If my wife comes to know about this, I will be in trouble for sure. She asked me for an expensive gift for her birthday and I refused somehow saying that we could save on that money for future. I have to come up with some good excuse now,” he said in a hushed tone.

“Not just that, the company has given a Airtel 4G female representative as part of this Diamond package, who keeps bugging me about upgrading to 4G or proving that my mobile internet is faster than Airtel 4G,” he concluded with a miserable look on his face.

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/09/enticed-by-paytm-coupons-man-recharges-his-phone-for-one-crore/

Village feeling 37.281% more secular after meeting both Sonia and Rahul Gandhi

Satire...

Patna, Bihar: Villagers in Dhibra Village in Patna suddenly felt more secular after Sonia and Rahul Gandhi spoke at a rally there. While this was not the Gandhis’ first rally in the run up to the Bihar elections, political scientists on Times Now believed that the levels of secularism rose because the Gandhis were not sharing the stage with any other political party.

While the Congress pegged the rise in secularism due to their efforts, a BJP spokesperson rubbished the reports. He threatened to ban meat, beef or something similar in the area to prove his point.
When this Faking News reporter spoke with a few locals, it turned out that most people had been so mesmerized by Rahul Gandhi’s speech that they had forgotten their religion.

“Bhaiyya, Kapil Sharma ek taraf aur eeh Rahul baba ek taraf”, a villager said.

“Our dreams of seeing a comedian speak at close quarters have come true,” another said. “We had only seen these people on TV earlier.”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/09/20/village-feeling-37-281-more-secular-after-meeting-both-sonia-and-rahul-gandhi/

AAP to get Somnath Bharti’s dog to bite dengue mosquitoes

Satire...

New Delhi: After allegations of Somnath Bharti getting his dog to bite his wife surfaced, AAP supremo and Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal has promised to use the dog to rid Delhi of dengue-causing mosquitoes. The dog called ‘Don’ would soon be pressed into service, Kejriwal promised.

“Somnath Bharti might be a dead weight for the AAP but at least we can use his dog”, Kejriwal said, in a press conference. “Only AAP provides a platform for its members’ pets to serve the nation as well. Can BJP and Congress do something like this?”

“We will get ‘Don’ to roam the streets of Delhi with Somnath shouting instructions behind it in tow, to get it to bite Dengue causing mosquitoes,” Kejriwal concluded.

Meanwhile Mr. Bharti refuted allegations that he could his dog to bite anyone by instructing it to bite police officers at a police station. When the dog refused to comply, Bharti proclaimed his innocence in response to his wife’s allegations. He said however that Kejriwal’s plans just might work since ‘Don’ happened to attract mosquitoes wherever it went.

“If anything, Don will attract all the dengue causing insects of any area to itself,” Bharti said.

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/09/21/aap-to-get-somnath-bhartis-dog-to-bite-dengue-mosquitoes/

Employee gets 5% salary hike but attends 400% more meetings after getting promoted

Satire...

Gurgaon: A software engineer working for a Multinational Company in the city confirmed that while he got a 5% salary hike on getting promoted, he was attending 400% more meetings. Tadapit Kumar, a ten year veteran at an MNC software firm, however seemed to be quite pleased with this arrangement.

“My company has not promoted anyone, citing recession for the last seven years,” Tadapit said. “So I am happy to be promoted and to get a 5% hike. Most of my friends here have taken a pay cut this year to continue working here and are busy polishing their profiles on Naukri.com.”

“Yes, my invitations to meetings has gone up 400%, but I am happy about that too,” he continued, in response to a question from this Faking News reporter. “I sit in a corner and play Solitaire or browse through the Naukri.com profiles of the people in the room and occasionally make statements like ‘Yes, let’s double down on that’ or ‘Can we have a detailed review on this… this slide isn’t enough?’ etcetera. This is what I had been missing all those years.”

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/09/employee-gets-5-salary-hike-but-attends-400-more-meetings-after-getting-promoted/

Comparisons with the Meluha Guy (The Legend of Ramm Series)

I must say at the outset that I have not read the Ishvaku book - a book that will supplement Amish's Meluha royalties and sustain his great-great grandchildren. My version of the story does not start with or eventually merge into the Ramayana and is not a justification or rendition or version.

'The Great War of Hind' is my attempt to understand God and his designs on the world - why He did what He did. I had two epiphanies before I began writing the book - One, what will happen a thousand years later when archaeologists dig up Marvel's comics? Would they not think Aquaman or Spiderman were the Gods of our times? Now what if we were to extend this argument to all the mythological pieces we now... if everything that we have every been told was just a story.

Second, I like to think God despises and despised/ came to despise mankind. And so, I imagined our world thousands of years ago, where God tried to balance mankind off with demons (or animals as we know them today). Set in this mix, my story of Ramm and Hanohman and Rahvun developed slowly - known characters set in an unheard-of story.

Think of it as another episode of a childhood show, as another comic book starring your favorite childhood characters. The idea is not be in the Meluha guy's tail-wind : I wrote this book more than 2 years ago... That's how much us mere mortals sometimes need to wait to get published. (My awesome publisher had quite a backlog unfortunately.) So, I would possibly even pre-date the Ishvaku storyline.

Anyhow, it's a free country. Read what you please (ideally my book).

Or read them both and confirm my suspicions about my book being better.

Cheers!

The Great War of Hind (Legend of Ramm #1)