Book Review: Marine Sniper by Charles Henderson

Charles Henderson's 'Marine Sniper' is a dramatized account of the life of a Vietnam War sniper. Based on the life and times of Sergeant Carlos Hathcock - an American soldier who apparently eventually became the posterboy of the Marine Sniper program - the book seemed an interesting prospect at first. One, I love war books and two, I love history books (Marine Sniper is set in the Vietnam War). Sadly, the book was a disappointment.

The amount of melodramatic fictionalization of everything Hathcock did was extremely jingoistic. Dialogues were overwritten with Henderson trying to explain the scene or pace along the narrative with incredibly explanatory (and thus, weird) dialogues. And the focus on battle tactics or history was minimal.

The only thing that made the book tolerable was Hathcock... real, gritty and human in the parts of the book Henderson allows him to be so.

You can buy the book here.

Book Review: The Snowden Files by Luke Harding

I labored with 'The Snowden Files' for three months, finishing off a Zaidi, a Ken Follett and Natwar Singh's latest book in the meanwhile. The only worse book I have read in the recent past has been Rachel Dwyer's incredibly boring book on how Bollywood and Indian culture is intertwined (which read like a gassy PhD thesis by some intense cultural 'frog in a well' scientist).

Harding treats Snowden and individual privacy as the subject of his own PhD thesis. After the initial pacy thriller like section on how Snowden did what he did, the book degenerates into a discussion on data privacy and how US intelligence/ NSA did what it did (i.e. spy on the world). There are interesting tidbits here and there including the spirited fight between a committed journalist cadre and US/ UK intelligence to keep the Snowden revelations in the public domain but such sections get lost between reams of explanations of technical nuances of the spying.

I was expecting much more from the book, especially since I am very particular about checking Goodreads ratings of unknown authors before buying them. Goodreads has failed me terribly, perhaps for the first time. Hope this is not the start of a trend.

Scientists develop vaccine that allows people to enjoy Sajid Khan’s movies

Can we just euthanize Mr. Khan?

Bangalore: A team of scientists, working on a government grant, has developed a vaccine that allows people to enjoy Sajid Khan’s movies, after almost a decade of research. Research on the vaccine started as soon as Mr. Khan displayed his now famous infamous skill of making terrible movies.

“We started working on the vaccine right after the first ‘Houseful’ was released,” Dr. Basu Chatterjee, a senior scientist at IISc Bangalore said. “We used findings from the Mangalyaan mission to fine tune the vaccine as well. Basically we found one scientist on the Mangalyaan mission, who got so drunk that he no longer cared whether Mangalyaan went to Mars or the Sun or crashed in the Indian Ocean. That was our biggest finding.”

“The vaccine is a mixture of rum, gin, vodka and whiskey,” Dr. Chatterjee said. “No, no… it is not the same as Long Iceland Iced Tea,” he said, reacting to a question from this reporter. “Do not ridicule our research… it took years of hard work and erm… drinking to fine tune this vaccine. Also, L. I. T. does not have whiskey. So you are wrong.”

“Now everyone can enjoy Sajid Khan’s movies,” Dr. Chatterjee concluded.

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/01/scientists-develop-vaccine-that-allows-people-to-enjoy-sajid-khans-movies/

Panelist unsure of what to do when given time to speak by Arnab; sings nursery rhyme on air

Never understood why Arnab Goswami ever invites people to his show... all he does is shout at them. Satire.

New Delhi: A panelist on Newshour – the show made famous by Arnab Goswami’s shrieking – was shellshocked after being given sufficient time to speak on the show. In fact, so unprepared was the panelist to speak that he ended up singing ‘Ba Ba Black Sheep’, a popular nursery rhyme, on air.

“When I got the invite to Arnab-da’s show, I thought I would get to enjoy Arnab-da shrieking at everyone in peace and at close quarters,” Prof. Basu Bhattacharjee, a psychology professor at Delhi University, said. “I was shocked when I actually got time to speak on the show… I was expecting to just sit in the studio and enjoy my glass of cold drink with cheese crackers. I had no choice but to start singing the first thing that came to my mind… in this case, ‘Ba Ba Black Sheep’.”

Sources within Times Now have apologized for the gaffe, offering that Arnab stopped “wanting to know” only because he got a call from a credit card company who he got into a lengthy verbal argument with.

“Once Mr. Goswami gets into ‘nation wants to know’ mode, it is difficult to extricate him from it,” a spokesperson for Times Now said. “As you know, during the Newshour, Mr. Goswami is exclusively in ‘nation wants to know’ mode. So, when he got the call from the credit card company, he simply kept wanting to know.”

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/01/panelist-unsure-of-what-to-do-when-given-time-to-speak-by-arnab-sings-nursery-rhyme-on-air/

Girlfriends expected to demand 15% hike in love after survey reveals expected 15% hike in salaries in 2015

Satire. Inspired by a Facebook post...

Mumbai. After a recent survey by a business daily revealed an expected 15% in salary hikes for white collar professionals in 2015, a parallel survey run by Faking News (in response to the salary survey) has revealed that girlfriends are likely to demand a similar hike in love as well.

Faking News reached out to a sample set of over thousand girlfriends, right on the heels of the salary hike survey to determine how the economic wellbeing of their love interests would impact the females of the species. A whopping 100% girlfriends stated that they would demand a commensurate hike in love as well.
“My boyfriend has been taking me to Udupi restaurants and fruit juice stalls for dates,” Priya, an angry woman stated. “Sometimes he brings a knife and salt jar from home and applies salt to the fruit he buys from the vendor, right at his stall. At the very least, with a hike, he can get me a McAloo Tikki burger… and maybe a diamond watch.”

Meanwhile, concerned boyfriends have demanded that their employers keep their hike figures a secret so as to not receive a hike in emotional blackmail as well.

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/01/05/girlfriends-expected-to-demand-15-hike-in-love-after-survey-reveals-expected-15-hike-in-salaries-in-2015/

Man becomes multimillionaire by changing religion every month

Dedicated to the national stupidity that is religious conversion! Satire.

East Delhi. A man based out of Sarita Vihar has become the first man to officially become a High Networth Individual (HNI) simply by changing his religion every month.

Tadapit Kumar, an engineer by qualification, quit his job in 2010 to get into the lucrative business of religion-changing and has apparently, never looked back since.

“I started making more from ghar wapsi, qaum wapsi, masiah sharan wapsi and other reconversion functions every month that the CEO of the company I used to work in,” Tadapit said in an interview with this Faking News reporter. “So I quit my thankless job and just change religions full time now. I just got a bicycle last week for becoming a Catholic. I sold it and used the money to pay my credit card dues.”

“No I am not an opportunist,” Tadapit added. “Think of it as changing jobs. These days I am a devout Catholic. Next week I might be a devout Hindu. Also, I pay taxes on all my earnings… the nation is benefitting from my conversions. So what’s the controversy?”

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/01/man-becomes-multimillionaire-by-changing-religion-every-month/

Unable to log in to Facebook to post photos, couple call off their honeymoon

Satire...

Paris/ Delhi: A South Delhi based newly married couple called off their honeymoon in Paris, after they were unable to post their photos, selfies and videos on Facebook. Apparently, the Facebook app on both their iPhones crashed, causing their marital bliss to turn sour. The couple checked out of their hotel and caught an early flight home after the incident.

“Facebook was down for six whole days and we could not post a single pic that we took,” Maakhan Singh, the groom said. “We took hundreds of selfies and photos of us holding up or pushing against historical monuments from a distance that took twenty to thirty minutes to get right. You had to work to get the right camera angle so that it looked like either my wife, Malai or I were holding up the Eiffel Tower with two of our fingers. And when none of those photos or videos could be posted on social media, we decided to return home… there was no point of continuing with the honeymoon.”

“On the way back, we also agreed to divorce in case Facebook didn’t work at all – if somehow the company had decided to shut down,” Malai Kaur, the bride in question, said. “It is still not working on our phones or Makhan’s iPad.”

“We have notified our lawyers,” Ms. Malai concluded.

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/01/03/unable-to-log-in-to-facebook-to-post-photos-couple-call-off-their-honeymoon/

Unable to find new scams in the last few months, Kejriwal encourages Delhiites to commit new scams so that he can uncover them

Quite a fall it has been for Mr. Kejriwal... Satire.

Delhi: Speaking at a pre election rally at Jantar Mantar, Arvind Kejriwal today encouraged Delhiites to commit a few new scams so that he and his party may be able to uncover them. Kejriwal announced that ever since the General Elections had ended, he had been unable to uncover any new scams and was therefore growing increasingly bored and disillusioned with politics.

“We have been unable to find and uncover new scams in the last six months,” Kejriwal said, amid loud cheering from the attendees of his rally. “And I know that is the primary reasons we have not been able to provide you any more entertainment. The primary job of any political party is to entertain the masses; so we have failed on that count. I sincerely apologize.”

“But AAP needs to find scams to be a political party as without scams, there can be no anti corruption movement,” Kejriwal added. “So go ahead bribe a police officer or MLA or MP or steal some money for yourself. Scam nahin to hum nahin.”

“Bhaiyyon aur behnon, yeh scams ka no hona bhi shayad ek scam ho sakta hai,” Arvind Kejriwal concluded. “Ismein Reliance ka haath hai.”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/01/02/unable-to-find-new-scams-in-the-last-few-months-kejriwal-encourages-delhiites-to-commit-new-scams-so-that-he-can-uncover-them/