Book Review: Under a Monsoon Cloud by H. R. F. Keating

I picked this book up because I had seen the seriously hilarious movie "The Perfect Murder" based on a book of the same name by Keating. If you haven't seen the movie, do go ahead and watch it... It is one of those lesser known gems of Indian Cinema.

However, this was the second time that a Merchant Ivory film led me to buy another book written by the author who had originally birthed the (Merchant Ivory) movie script and left me somewhat disappointed. (The other pair being a delightfully delicious movie called ‘The Householder’ and an incredibly underwhelming book called ‘Heat & Dust’ by Ruth Praber Jhabwala, who had also written the book – “The Householder”.) “Under a monsoon cloud” is much better than “Heat & Dust” but it is still relatively underwhelming when you compare its material to the delightfully timeless movie (“The Perfect Murder”). Keating does describe the India of a generation ago and the scruples of the average Indian family man in Inspector Ghote beautifully but the plot never really takes off.

The only reason I liked the book even though the plot never really got interesting enough was for Keating’s writing style and his creation of the honest middle class police inspector, which made me nostalgic of the simpler times India had, decades ago.

Book Review: The Horse Whisperer by Nicholas Evans

I picked up the book from a second hand book shop having heard the name somewhere; probably because the book has been made into a movie. I do not know the criteria on which books are chosen for being made into movies - but the common thread through all movies made from books is usually a good story. Sadly, 'The Horse Whisperer' does not have a story.

What it has is one decently OK character, namely 'The Horse Whisperer', a man who trains/ heals horses. After a bad road accident in which her horse and daughter are injured, a woman drives to a faraway ranch to seek the services of the titular character. Horse and daughter heal, woman has affair. Period. That is the story.

The only interesting part of the book was the accident itself and it all went downhill from there - the rest of it reading like a blog from the life of a bored housewife intent on having an affair. I finished the book and did not understand what the point of the story was.

Avoid both... the book and the movie.

Book Review: Theodore Boone by John Grisham

John Grisham has the uncanny knack of writing both incredibly good books and incredibly pedestrian ones. Theodore Boone, sadly, like 'King of Torts' and 'Summons' is one of the incredibly pedestrian ones.

It took me a year to read this not very thick book, in which time I finished several other books. Considering the premise was an underage legal mastermind, I was expecting some on the lines of Artemis Fowl. But the book was so undercooked and the 'hero' so average, I regretted purchasing it for full price from an airport book store.

But I am still thankful for the book... for it has severed my chord with Grisham forever - I think. He did write my favorite book ever ('The Rainmaker') but if you are going to write something as pedestrian as Theodore Boone, you will lose the most loyal of fans.

New iconology for volume controls

Satire.

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/24/volume-control-buttons-to-get-new-look-pic/

Book Review: Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri

This was the first Jhumpa Lahiri book I read and from the get go, I was enchanted by the poetry of Lahiri’s prose. It is a little difficult for people who have grown up reading Jeffrey Archer’s short stories – people like me who expect every story to have a beginning, a premise and an end – to fully appreciate Lahiri’s work. Fortunately, I had been softened by Arundhati Roy’s and Rohinton Mistry’s works; so the disparity didn’t strike me that hard.

What strikes a chord when reading Lahiri’s work is the everyday-humanness of her stories. You feel for every character, you ache for all of their aches, you understand their sorrows and joys and finally, at the end – there is this stillness, this nothingness, reminding you that all her stories are like life itself. Not everything in life has an ending – happy or otherwise. Reading Lahiri for me was like inhaling an intoxicant; I felt heavy hearted yet light headed. The profound beauty of Lahiri’s prose, the humanness of her characters – all of whom felt like a long lost uncle or aunt or one’s own father or mother or a distant version of oneself - was heart rending.

I often amuse (/fool) myself with my ability to learn from and mimic the writing style of authors; but I am sure I cannot mimic the beauty of Lahiri’s work without going through some life experiences myself.

Deeply moving.

Book Review: Clifton Chronicles by Jeffrey Archer

Reading "The Clifton Chronicles" is like reading the history of the Nehru/ Gandhi dynasty. It starts off somewhat mundane, becomes mildly interesting, a few scandals erupt and thereafter with each coming generation, it becomes more and more boring.

Archer is a master at writing stories about characters developing over decades, as he demonstrates in his masterpiece “First Among Equals” but he seems to have bitten off more than he should have chewed with “The Clifton Chronicles”. The first book is soap-opera-ish with bastard sons, dalliances, mysterious disappearances and the sons of enemies becoming friends, etc. But what keeps the first book going is the deliciously dark character of Hugo Barrington, who is undoubtedly the most interesting character in the series.

Book One ends dramatically, compelling people to invest themselves in the second of the series. However, the drama soon peters off towards the end of Book Two and Book Three was so boring that I could not go beyond the first chapter.

If you want to read Jeffrey Archer, there are better books out there.

If you want to read a book series, there are better books out there.

Book Review: Hunger Pains by The Harvard Lampoon

I was fooled into buying this book by its blurb, a few surprisingly good reviews on Goodreads and a great discount on Amazon.

While readable, the book is not laugh-out-loud funny. It does have some things going for it like the wacky names (eg: Haymitch Abernathy’s character is called "Buttitch", Katniss’ character is called “Kantkiss Neverclean”) and a few funny set pieces. However, I expected to read a serious parody of the Hunger Games and not an desperate attempt to be funny in every sentence, which the book eventually becomes. But I think what put me off (as it will almost everybody who reads it) is the incredible dumbness of Katniss/ Kantkiss’ character; it was simply too hard to accept and even if it was needed to be done, required much more finesse.

Read it, strictly if you are a Hunger Games fan.

Book Review: The Accidental Prime Minister by Sanjaya Baru

I finally finished the book that has had tongues wagging from South Block to South India and also, possibly contributed maybe ten odd incremental seats to the NDA. Baru begins the book by justifying his reasons for writing the book (i.e. showing Manmohan in a better light than the internet jokes circulated about him), using the example of foreign civil servants chronicling their service periods with politicians. It is a tragedy that more civil servants do not write about their life and times. I would love to read what the secretaries of Indira or Sonia had/ have to say about them.

What makes ‘The Accidental Prime Minister’ most interesting is that it is a fly on the wall account of Manmohan Singh’s Prime Ministership. Baru quit the PMO before UPA 2 began; so the account is of the relatively rosier times of UPA 1. However, the book helps one understand where the skeletons that came out in UPA 2 originated. Baru writes quite frankly about the politics of the PMO – the power struggles between PMO officials – and also reveals Sonia’s attempts to pseudo-run the government through the NAC. What strikes one most when reading the account is that Manmohan was actually a brilliant tactician but what dragged him down was an inherent inability to speak effectively in public. His ability to swing the 123 Nuclear Deal with the US and the elaborately intricate maneuvers he resorted to in pushing the deal through, do help one absolve Manmohan of the stains he had suggested “history” would do for him.

The book becomes something of a drag towards the end with the Nuclear deal part getting over-elaborated. After a point, it seemed like the book was more about the Nuclear deal than Manmohan. But the book is voyeuristic enough, throughout its entirety, to be interesting.

Readable but not a must read... still, the book needs to be read to understand the history of UPA I and how it let our nation down.

Rahul lauds Congress’ escape velocity in 2014 elections, declares he shall form government on Jupiter

Dear Rahul, this is where you can go for a holiday now...


10 Janpath, Delhi: After his official press conference with mummy Sonia Gandhi in which he took responsibility for Congress’ defeat, Rahul Gandhi had another impromptu press conference when he barged into a news studio, declared the Modi wave ‘nonsense’ and most importantly grinned wildly. He also grabbed a laddoo from a reporter, saying he needed a ‘power laddoo’ to answer the reporters’ questions, whatever that meant.

“That is why I was smiling so much in the press conference with my mother,” Mr. Gandhi added. “I knew something the mediapersons did not. With this emphatic historic loss, Congress party has attained the escape velocity it needed to expand its politics to other planets.”

When asked which planet he was mulling the next Congress government on, Rahul thought for a few minutes, rolled up his sleeves, rolled them down, put his hands on his waist, put them in front of his groin and only then replied. “Mighty Raju has gone to Rio but I think we will go to Jupiter,” he said, grinning from ear to ear.

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/18/rahul-lauds-congress-escape-velocity-in-2014-elections-declares-he-shall-form-government-on-jupiter/

Book Review: Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron by Jai Arjun Singh

I picked this book up at the Bombay airport a few years ago and read it on my journey to Delhi. At that point, I just remembered ‘Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron’ as the movie that had that timelessly funny Mahabharat scene, which as college students we would watch on loop sometimes, on Youtube. The rest of the movie was a blurry memory for me (even though I had seen it).

Jai Arjun Singh, however, clearly loved the movie with a passion much more infinite than the average Indian. And he does a great job in researching the origins of the movie and decoding the madness behind it. What comes out in the end is a masterpiece – an incredibly funny book – something I dare say might even be funnier than the movie. In any case, if you have seen the movie, you need to read this book to understand the movie.

The funniest parts for me were the revelation that the Indian Government (NFDC) was the sole sponsor of the movie (Surprising, isn't it?) and the revelation that there was a role played by Anupam Kher in the movie (as an extremely myopic assassin called ‘Disco Killer’) which was eventually edited away. Kher is supposed to be a crack assassin but all he can do is shoot mangoes off the tree under which Naseeruddin’s and Ravi’s characters were chatting.

I dare say I was surprised that the book was such a page turner. Highly recommended.

Rahul Gandhi loses in ‘Temple Run’, Congress leaders take ‘collective responsibility’

Dedicated to Congress' awesome spokespersons.

New Delhi: After losing in the National Elections by a comprehensive margin, Rahul Gandhi also happened to lose to a ten years old when the boy challenged him to play ‘Temple Run’ against him.

This has forced Congress spokespersons to jump to his defense immediately after they had jumped to his defense for his failure in the general elections.

Rahul asking 10 year old boy to lend him his brain.

After the arguments that ‘Rahul was too young to be blamed for the defeat’ and that the ‘defeat was due to the polarization of the ten years old by Modi’ failed to cut ice, the spokespersons were apparently forced to take the route of ‘collective responsibility’.

“No no no… this is not Rahul Gandhiji’s defeat,” Salman Soz, one of the spokespersons for the Congress party, said, speaking on behalf of Rahul Gandhi, “Rahul Gandhiji was thinking of empowering poor people, empowering women and maybe a little bit about Chhota Bheem and hence, he was distracted when playing. It is not his fault at all.”

“The Congress party takes collective responsibility for Rahulji’s defeat in Temple Run,” Soz added, “If we had solved the problems of poor people, women and err… Chhota Bheem earlier, Rahulji wouldn’t have had to worry about empowering them at all and hence, would not have lost at all. So all in all, this is all our collective fault.”

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/rahul-gandhi-loses-in-temple-run-congress-leaders-take-collective-responsibility/

New movie starring Rahul Gandhi planned

Now that he's going to have all the time in the world... Satire.

Vadra to now buy out Accenture after its report praising Gujarat’s land acquisition model

Satire.

India’s most famous small farmer, Robert Vadra, is in the running to purchase Accenture’s India operations soon after a report by the company praising Gujarat’s land acquisition model released. People in the know of the deal said that the Gandhis had activated “Operation Vadra” after coming to know of Accenture’s betrayal.

“Mr. Vadra was getting fitted into gold plated pink pants when Soniaji called him, asking him to take vengeance on behalf of the Gandhi family,” a person close to the Gandhi family said, on condition of anonymity. “Vadraji got so excited at the prospect of making truckloads of money again that he ran out of the tailor’s emporium in his underpants.”

“It will be a simple deal, we have it all worked out,” the man continued. “First, Vadraji will float a new company with one lakh rupees in its account. Then he will propose to buy Accenture for a thousand crores using this new company that is, for now, worth one lakh and sign an agreement to this effect, transferring ownership of this company to Vadraji for a consideration of fifty thousand rupees. After this, Accenture’s global arm will pay Vadraji fifteen hundred crores to take Accenture India back from him, which he will use to pay Accenture India and so on.”

“It gets a little too complicated after that,” the man said, “but Mr. Vadra is a private citizen, so why should anybody care?”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/11/vadra-to-now-buy-out-accenture-after-its-report-praising-gujarats-land-acquisition-model/

Noida property developers give up on human beings; looking for life on other planets to sell their unsold inventory

Only extra terrestrial life can buy Noida's unsold inventory! Satire.

Delhi-NCR: After a string of high budget radio and print campaigns failed to get them any buyers, Noida property developers are looking for “other worldly” solutions to sell their unsold inventory. To the chagrin of the property developers, buyers seemed to have seen through the façade of calling “Noida Expressway” – “Greater Noida West” and selling houses with even the brick-work not being complete as “ready to move in” flats.

“We are sorely disappointed with the human race,” Tadapit Sikka, MD of Sikka Constructions said. “Despite our strategy of putting an English sounding name for all our projects such as ‘Sikka Paradise Greens’ or ‘Sikka Presidential Estates’ or ‘Sikka Rendezvous Apartments’, people are not buying anymore only. We have toh become like Rahul Gandhi and Congress party only, these days. The more ads we run, the more people make fun of us.”

“We even tried to entice Mr. Vadra to buy some of our unsold inventory but he doesn’t want to be in the limelight too much right now,” Mr. Sikka continued balefully. “So a few of us have gotten together and started broadcasting signals to outer space asking aliens to come and invest in Greater Noida West. This has come after our internal market research pointed out that it was far more likely to find extra-terrestrial life than to find human buyers for our shitty inventory.”

“I don’t know if we will succeed but I am hopeful,” he added, egged on by this reporter. “Koi toh saala alien phansega.”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/11/noida-property-developers-give-up-on-human-beings-looking-for-life-on-other-planets-to-sell-their-unsold-inventory/

New ad campaign featuring Rahul Gandhi released

Couldn't resist. And, this was just waiting to be said...

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/10/new-ad-campaign-featuring-rahul-gandhi-released-pic/

After promising to turn Amethi into England, Rahul promises to turn Congress party into X-Men

I am going to miss Rahul Gandhi after these elections. Satire.

Amethi: In a bid to enthuse voters in the traditional Gandhi bastion of Amethi, Rahul promised to turn Amethi into England, if UPA returned to office. “Mere dono haath jod do, mein Amethi ko England bana doonga,” he had said. A couple of days later, Rahul has gone a step further and promised to turn Congress partymen into X-men, using the same scientific principles he was going to use to turn Amethi into England.

Congress’ new avatar.

“I was speaking to my mother and she told me to stop bothering her and go watch something on TV,” Rahul said, elaborating how he had reached the conclusion that he could turn his partymen into men with extraordinary superpowers. “And mummy was right… because I saw X-men on TV and realized that our political model is very limited. All of us need to become X-men to fight all these communal forces that are tearing up this nation.”

Speaking about his next steps, Rahul said, “I plan to expose all Congress partymen to dangerously toxic levels of radiation to empower them properly. I will get back to you soon on what the results are.”

Meanwhile, if reports from within the PMO are to be believed, a usually reticent Dr. Manmohan Singh grew rather agitated on hearing what Rahul planned to do next, even going to the extent of (allegedly) exclaiming, “Oh teri bhen di!”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/06/after-promising-to-turn-amethi-into-england-rahul-promises-to-turn-congress-party-into-x-men/

DD unrepentant on editing Modi’s interview, to now play Rahul Gandhi’s speeches in the background with all programming

The desperation of the Congress is remarkable... Inspired satire.

New Delhi: After editing several parts of Narendra Modi’s interview, Doordarshan – the “independent” news channel managed by the Indian government has announced that it will now go ahead and play Rahul Gandhi’s speeches in the background whatever be the visuals playing on the screen. Prasar Bharti’s CEO made a statement to this effect today.

Get ready to laugh

“Yes we did edit Mr. Modi’s interview with the full backing of madamji,” the CEO said, referring ostensibly to Sonia Gandhi. “But madam has asked us to go a step further and play Rahulji’s speeches more, to counter the effect made by Narendra Modi’s speech. Since there are not too many visuals that we have of Rahulji’s speeches, we have decided to go ahead and play his voice in loop in the background, while playing random visuals at the front-end.”

“Yes yes, we will ensure whatever visuals are playing along with Rahulji’s voice are secular,” the CEO said, responding to a query from this reporter.

Responding to a query from another reporter on how this would impact the channel’s already plummeting TRPs, he said, “On the contrary, I have been told that Rahulji’s speeches are quite popular and become popular faster than any other living being’s speeches in the history of the universe. We are particularly excited about mixing and matching his “honeybee” or “escape velocity” or “hum sabne Gujarat kee mahilon ka doodh piya hai” speeches with the appropriately secular visual content!”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/06/dd-unrepentant-on-editing-modis-interview-to-now-play-rahul-gandhis-speeches-in-the-background-with-all-programming/

Book Review: Making a difference by K. J. Alphons

I read this book in tenth standard a few months before the stress of the Board exams began. I am quite surprised that this book isn’t that well known, considering it was quite well written and inspired me (fleetingly) to consider taking up a career in the Civil Services. Ultimately I chose the path of least resistance (with respect to my education), i.e. engineering + MBA, but I still do envy men like Alphons who got a chance to work in government. (Sanjaya Baru has, of course, used his leverage to great effect by now.)

‘Making a difference’ is the autobiographical story of K. J. Alphons, an honest IAS officer, who chronicled his experience in the Services – straight from training to his posting to his inevitable brush with transfers and violence. The book had a linear and quite interesting narrative, throwing light on the kind of life a young IAS officer lives.

I was reminded of this book when I saw Alphons on TV recently, as a spokesperson for the BJP. Unfortunately he did not really hold his own in the debate and I haven’t really seen him since. But BJP could certainly use a man like him – with his experience in grassroots bureaucracy – if and when it forms its next government. 

I do not think this book is even available for sale anymore but seeing Alphons’ face on TV again reminded me of the time when I was young and impressionable and so unreasonably fearful that something as inconsequential as the Board exams could change my life. On the contrary, I think this book definitely did have a consequence - inspiring several men (hopefully) to join the services and stay honest.

Tired of being slapped around, mosquito decides to join AAP

It's magical how much physical violence the AAP attracts. Satire.

After being slapped around incessantly soon after it resurfaced from its hibernation, a mosquito based out of east Delhi has announced that it would soon be seeking to join the Aam Aadmi Party. Apparently the mosquito’s ordeal started as soon as the extended winter and rains ended in Delhi and it resurfaced out of hibernation.

The mosquito in question – called Tadapit Kumar – said that it had been watching television channels in houses along the Yamuna for some time and found that members of the Aam Aadmi Party had been going through the same trauma as him.

“I identify terrifically with these AAP fellows,” Tadapit said, buzzing close to this reporter’s ear. “They kept getting beaten up, slapped, shooed away, etc. just like me. Therefore, I have decided to join these fellows in their quest for whatever it is that they are questing for.”

Speaking from his habitat alongside the Yamuna, Tadapit said, “People have to understand that if they keep slapping my kind, we will soon become an endangered species.” Referring to Kejriwal, the founder/ chief slap-taker of the Aam Aadmi Party, the mosquito said, “Look at Kejriwal… Uska putla bhi laga dein toh rah chalte log thapad maar jaayein.”

“He is the best man to lead my kind in their fight against… um… everything,” Tadapit said. “Isn’t that what the AAP is all about? Fighting everything?”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/03/tired-of-being-slapped-around-mosquito-decides-to-join-aap/

Book Review: Band of Brothers by Stephen E. Ambrose

I love war books; so I do start with a bit of a bias I guess. I find something magical about the fact that war is not just man versus man, but at most times, high speed chess between two opposing army commanders. A smart military leader has the potential to win greater victories and save more lives than standalone brave soldiers, something that reflects in the teams and people I have worked in and with as well. Awful leaders will diminish the best of men; great leaders will inspire the worst.

‘Band of Brothers’ is the story of the ironically named ‘Easy Company’ which took on some of the hardest tasks of World War II’s European invasion. Trained under a man the company loved to hate (Sobel) at the mountains of Currahee, the company of paratroopers quickly became one of the elite troops of the American war effort, thereby landing plum assignments such as taking important objectives on Normandy (the famous mass invasion of Nazi Europe by the Allies), taking important objectives during Market Garden (the almost end to the war that the Allies engineered), participating in the Battle of the Bulge and finally occupying Eagle’s Nest – Hitler’s iconic retreat in Austria.

Ambrose produces a largely linear Cornelius Ryan like narrative of the Company – starting with the induction of the first band of recruits, their training under the popularly hated ‘chickenshit’ leader Sobel to the war itself. The book brings alive the everyday men of World War II… I grew to love the characters of Sobel (a most remarkable villain/ bad boss), Winters (the universally admired leader who eventually outranked Sobel), Sink (the regiment commander), Speirs (a fierce fearsome warrior who took over the Company after Winters was promoted) and Webster (a budding writer who chronicled the war ever so beautifully in his own words). The book does suffer from a surfeit of names, like most war books do, but the continuing thread of Sobel-Winters-Sink-Speirs-Webster and a few more keeps you glued… you want to know what happens to all these men at the very end.

What was remarkable for me was how much men hated the war effort and the army itself, but continued not out of courage or patriotism but for the love of the man at their side.

The story of Easy Company deserves to be read to be believed. Do read the book before you watch the show on HBO. I traveled through 40’s Nazi Europe with these guys and I strongly recommend that you do too.