July 26, 2014

Faced with prospect of watching Hate Story 2 or Kick on weekend, engineering students found actually studying

Dedicated to another mindless Salman Khan flick.
Mumbai. Post the release of Salman Khan’s latest movie ‘Kick’, engineering students faced with the prospect of watching the movie were found studying in hostels across the country.
“First it is written by Chetan,” said Tadapit Kumar from his hostel in IIT Bombay, “so there is almost a 100% guarantee it is a bad story. Second, Taran Adarsh has given the movie a billion stars, which generally means that the movie is intolerable. So I am in my hostel room, studying the ‘Rotational Dynamics’ chapter from H. C. Verma, which I have begun to find extremely entertaining.”
“I saw the trailer of Kick and knew it was going to be a terrible movie that would go on to make 1000 crores,” Chaddha, Tadapit’s roommate said. “But thanks to Kick, everyone in our campus is studying without there being an exam the next day. I think this has to be some kind of record… Guinness nahin to Limca hee sahi.
In IIT Delhi, the scene was no different. “I was shocked,” Shuklaji, the librarian at IIT Delhi Campus. “Generally we get an average of five students every day – four of which are couples looking to spend quality time in free airconditioning. But today it seems the entire campus has come to the library.”
Itne log to exam time pe bhi nahin aate,” he added.

July 22, 2014

Candy Crush addict found crushing real candies in office

Dedicated to all the Candy Crush requests I have ever received.

Gurgaon: In the first diagnosed case of “Candy Crush Mania”, a software engineer was found crushing real candies in office when his smartphone crashed. The engineer – called Tadapit Kumar – had reportedly been playing the game for 36 hours straight and had to resort to real life candy crushing when his phone got infected by malware the game had downloaded onto it.


Attempting to clear the air over Tadapit’s situation, his manager Chadha said, “No no no, there has been no pressure on him at work really. It is only this Facebook – Shacebook jee. Everybody is going mad these days.”

“I had been getting Candy Crush invites for a few years and had been ignoring them,” Tadapit said in an exclusive interview with this Faking News reporter, continuing to crush Pan Parag toffees between his fingers. “But yesterday I decided to accept an invite from a girl whose profile pic was really quite cute. I thought she would start noticing me in office if I accepted the invite. But what happened next was that I ended up getting really addicted to this candy-crushing business, with no time left for other things.”

“And worst thing was that even after my phone got infected with whatever virus that game has,” Tadapit said, “I still cannot stop crushing candies. In fact, I find crushing them terribly liberating. I don’t have a girlfriend, my career is going nowhere and my dad thinks I am a loser, but at least I am good at crushing candies!”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/07/21/candy-crush-addict-found-crushing-real-candies-in-office/

July 19, 2014

Times of India Movie Reviews: The Freakonomical Scam Underneath (Part Two)



So ever since I wrote on this topic (read Part One here), I have been getting congratulatory emails, requests for the data I used to run the analysis and a few emails/ comments on my post contesting the validity of the analysis. I think some people didn’t really get it. What I had analyzed, hypothesized and then proven using data was that the gap in movie review ratings between TOI and IMDB (and not the actual rating on TOI itself) moves up whenever there is a bankable star in a movie.

However, I just wanted to take this data analysis further. (So expect there to be a part three or four as well later.) Just to silence the handful of critics my previous article attracted, I ran something that could conclusively prove TOI’s complicity in scamming the public (apropos movie reviews). 

As I had explained in Part One, I have been, for some time, particularly pained by the disparity in TOI’s movie reviews versus reviews by independent reviewers like Masand/ Anupama Chopra. So what I did was take down movie reviews for 100 movies and compute the gap in movie ratings between TOI and IMDB (arguably the most unbiased movie reviewer possible).

Aside from my discoveries in part one, what is more damning is that the average movie review gap between TOI and IMDB goes up by a whopping 360% if the budget of a movie is higher than INR 32.76 Crore. (32.76 Crore was the average budget of the movie data set I analyzed.) In simpler terms, on average the gap in movie reviews between TOI and IMDB moved up by 4.6 times, if the budget of the movie being reviewed was higher than the average of the data set, which was Rs. 32.76 Crore.

At the median, the disparity is starker. The median gap in movie reviews between TOI and IMDB moved up by a mindboggling 6.5 times, if the budget of the movie being reviewed was higher than the average of the data set, which was Rs. 32.76 Crore.
 
So there you have it… We have a hypothesis that stands the test of the monetary challenge thrown at it. Higher the budget, higher the gap in movie review ratings between TOI and IMDB, which should only mean one thing – a part of the higher budget is being allocated to reviewers like TOI.

June 28, 2014

Times of India's Movie Reviews: A Scam of Freakonomical proportions



I have been a loyal TOI reader since I was about ten. Since then, my daily routine has revolved around reading the newspaper. I was also, in my school days, a TOI Young Journalist for two years and fleetingly considered a career in journalism. 


If you read a paper for a decade and a half as I have (and for several decades as have my parents) you grow addicted to it… you begin to take it seriously. The newspaper business is all about loyalty. People will tell you their breakfast/ tea didn’t go down that well if for whatever reason, they could not grab hold of their favourite newspaper (which was, by the way, a common occurrence during all my childhood vacations with my mother.)


Anyhow, back to me. What I did, when I did not become a journalist, was to become an engineer and an MBA. What that gave me in turn, was an introduction to several simple yet powerful mathematical tools… some of which I will showcase here today…


I have been, for some time, particularly pained by the disparity in TOI’s movie ratings versus ratings by independent reviewers like Masand/ Anupama Chopra. From a point where you could blindly trust TOI to rate a movie honestly, things have come to such a head that you need to verify the TOI’s movie ratings with more independent sources before making a movie-watching decision.


So here’s what I did using the modicum of mathematics I remembered from my engineering and MBA days. I painstakingly took down the ratings of 100 Hindi movies from TOI and from IMDB in an excel and then, subtracted the IMDB Rating from TOI’s Rating to create a dependent variable I shall call “Gap in Ratings”. I also googled extensively for the movies’ production budgets (this removed three movies from my data set whose budgets I could not find on Google: Filmistaan, Rangrezz and O Teri). On top of this, I added an (econometric) layer of whether the movie had a “bankable” star like one of the Khans (Saif included), Amitabh Bacchan, Akshay, Ajay Devgan, etc... And then, I ran a linear correlation and several regressions (going up to the power of seven), just to see if there was a pattern with which the “Gap in Ratings” between TOI and IMDB varied.


Just a snapshot of what the data looked like is here:



I found that there was a 47% correlation between the gap in movie ratings on TOI vs IMDB and the budget of a movie. Now what that technically means is that 47% of the value of the variable “Gap in movie ratings on TOI vs IMDB” can be explained by the independent variable “Budget of a movie” while the remaining 53% is determined by other factors. But 47% isn’t really strong enough; there’s still 53% that’s explained by factors we do not statistically understand (or haven’t accounted for).


What, however, is infinitely more interesting is that if you take the average gap in ratings between TOI and IMDB for movies with non bankable stars, it comes to +0.38 points on a scale of 10. However, throw bankable stars into the mix and the average gap in ratings between TOI and IMDB goes up to +1.11 on a scale of 10


That’s a 190% jump in the average gap in ratings between TOI and IMDB if a movie has a bankable star. Meaning, in non mathematical terms, the disparity in ratings given by TOI vs IMDB on average goes up by 190% if the movie has a bankable star. 


(For the record, I have counted the Khans including Saif, Sanjay Dutt, Akshay Kumar, Ajay Devgun, Hrithik, Ranbir, the Deols and Emraan Hashmi as bankable stars… bankable stars, by definition, are the marquee stars whose films always make money or are supposed to always make money, anyway)


Since averages can sometimes be skewed by a couple of data points, let us now look at medians. So if you take the median gap in ratings between TOI and IMDB for movies with non bankable stars, it comes to +0.2 points on a scale of 10. However, throw bankable stars into the mix and the median gap in ratings between TOI and IMDB goes up to +1.3 on a scale of 10. 


That’s a whopping 550% jump in the median gap in ratings between TOI and IMDB, if a movie has a bankable star. Meaning, in non mathematical terms, the disparity in ratings given by TOI vs IMDB at the median goes up by 550% if the movie has a bankable star.


Another interesting fact – if you look at movies with bankable stars, the minimum rating TOI has given (for the 97 movie data set going back a couple of years) is 2 (out of 5) whereas the least rating for a movie with a bankable star on IMDB is 0.85 (out of 5).


That’s a 135% higher minimum review, seemingly guaranteed, by the TOI.


Since numbers cannot lie, it is highly likely that the rumours doing the rounds in media circles are true and TOI actually charges money for maintaining a minimum guaranteed review. Consider this – Humshakals, a movie panned universally by almost all critics, got three stars from TOI. Himmatwala got 2.5, as did ‘The XPose’ and Rangrezz – all movies which were universally buried by the rest of the movie critic universe. The list goes on and if you are really interested in doing your own data analysis or going through my numbers, reach out to me at vaibhavrainmaker@gmail.com.


So where does this take us?


One – TOI is most likely on the take whenever there is a big budget movie with a big star involved to give them a Minimum Review of at least 2.5 or 3. If the movie is terribly terribly terribly terrible, the Minimum Review guarantee falls to 2 (eg: Chatur Singh).


Two – if the movie has a bankable star, just shave off 0.55 points off TOI’s review from a statistical point of view to arrive at its actual watchability potential.


And, dear Times of India, if you are reading this, you just lost a loyal reader. 

PS: Data analysis done on 97 hindi movies with available budgets. 41 of these had “bankable” stars.
 

June 26, 2014

Book Review: Manhunt by Peter Bergen

Even though I have read three books on Taliban/ Al Qaeda/ Afghanistan already, "Manhunt" stood out as an extremely entertaining thriller which had the pages turning on its own. This is absolutely the best Bin Laden/ Al Qaeda/ Terrorism book that I have read (so far).

Peter Bergen peppers the book with fly-on-the-wall situations such as conversations between and the events of Osama's, George Bush's and Obama's inner circles. He chronicles the exact location, verbiage and even hand gestures of the various characters in the drama that ensued after 9/11.

If you are looking to understand how the animal called Bin Laden was captured and killed, "Manhunt" is THE book to read. Highly recommended.

June 23, 2014

Book Review: The Missionary Position by Christopher Hitchens

Written by renowned polemicist, Hitchens, "The Missionary Position" is a sort of sting operation conducted on the life of Mother Teresa. At 99 pages, it is also probably among the thinnest yet incredibly good books that I have read.

Hitchens lays bare Teresa' life like it should have been. After all, what's wrong with a little bit of devil's advocacy? And, you have to hand it to him for his courage in taking on someone who has clearly been one of the most important icons (nay holy cows) of the Catholic Church.

Hitchens reveals the Mother's dubious connections and dealings with dictators, scamsters and people with dubious backgrounds, all for the sake of donations to the Missionaries of Charity. Her stance on abortions, the condition of medical care for the dying at the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, etc. all seem unanswerable blots on the aura of Saint Teresa.

Was Mother Teresa really a saint? Or a Roman Catholic opportunist with a rather narrowminded agenda, who was at the head of a global PR movement?

Read the book to question your blind faith in Mother Teresa's goodness.

June 17, 2014

Akhilesh Yadav to banish areas with high crime rates from UP, to declare them part of Afghanistan

Couldn't keep silent about the goings-on in Ulta Pradesh. Satire.

Lucknow: In a unique tactic to reduce crime statistics in Uttar Pradesh, the state’s Chief Minister, Akhilesh Yadav, has announced that any and all districts with incidents of a newsworthy crime would be declared part of Afghanistan.

This, he announced, was to ensure that news channels stopped focusing only on crimes in Uttar Pradesh. The statement came after Naresh Agrawal, a senior Samajwadi Party MP, had claimed that even animals had the ability to resist “being dragged away”.

“We are proposing that whenever a news channel reports a new crime and an adequate hue and cry is raised about it, we will announce that the village or district or piece of land in question is not a part of Uttar Pradesh anymore,” Mr. Yadav said to a bunch of news reporters, after the customary round of checking with them if they had been raped or shot at, on the way over.

“We have already had a discussion with the government of Afghanistan and they are ready and willing to accept any such tracts of land we want to hand over. That way, they will be able to demonstrate a reduction in crime statistics at their end, because only one or two rapes happen in Uttar Pradesh in a day.”

“This will also go a long way in improving Afghanistan – India relations,” he said. “Better Afghanistan – India relations means lesser terrorism from Taliban and Al Qaeda. One or two rapes is nothing compared to that, don’t you think?”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/06/17/akhilesh-yadav-to-banish-areas-with-high-crime-rates-from-up-to-declare-them-part-of-afghanistan/

Inspired by Game of Thrones, engineer requests ‘appraisal by combat’

Dedicated to all Game of Thrones lovers.

Gurgaon: After getting an unexpectedly below-par mid-year appraisal, Tadapit Kumar – a software engineer based out of Gurgaon – has requested his organization, an IT major, to permit him ‘appraisal by combat.’ The request came apparently after Tadapit was handed a below par mid-year appraisal so as to accommodate the bell curve.


“If that guy on TV on that show that everybody keeps talking endlessly about can get a trial by combat, why can’t I?” Tadapit reasoned. “I working for 12 consecutive weekends and was Chaddha’s personal slave for two years; but if that still means I am ‘Unable to meet expectations’, I think I can display meet some of those expectations by converting Chaddha’s nose into a bell curve. I think it will bring to the fore  my ‘ability to think out of the box and innovate’ and ‘paradigm shifting competencies’ – things I have been hearing about almost as long as this TV series.”

The HR department was a little confused by the request and used the opportunity to allow themselves to catch up with the latest ‘Games of Thrones’ episodes in a conference room.
“Yes, we watched the latest season of Game of Thrones after gathering together in a conference room,” a senior HR executive for the company said, on condition of anonymity. Responding to a question from this reporter, he said, “No, we took special care not to enjoy watching the series as that would have been a waste of company resources. All we had for snacks was tea and biscuits; we didn’t even order pizza or Maggi from the cafeteria.”

“We are yet to decide whether to allow Tadapit the right to get appraised via combat,” he added. “To decide on that, we have booked one entire day to watch the past seasons of ‘Game of Thrones’. We are proactive HR managers, you see.”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/06/17/inspired-by-game-of-thrones-engineer-requests-appraisal-by-combat/

June 12, 2014

Book Review: The Men Who Stare At Goats by Jon Ronson

I picked up 'The Men Who Stare At Goats' mostly because I was somewhat disappointed by the the movie. However, the book turned out to be rather more disappointing than the movie itself. It did start out interesting, with a lot of promise but Ronson changed track so often in the narrative that the book read more like a collection of blog posts than an actual steady narrative.

What is irritating is that the author himself features prominently in several parts of the stories (several tracts in the book are conversations between Ronson and certain principal characters); however, unlike Saadat Hasan Manto who employed the same technique in the fabulous 'Stars from another sky', Ronson is an incredibly vacuous character. Hence the ploy mostly misfires.

The only reason I liked the book somewhat is because of the wealth of interesting information the book had. In the hands of a better author, this book would have been a masterpiece. 


Ronson, however, destroys what was clearly journalistic gold with his amateurish writing.