Pahlaj Nihalani to censor his own name; to now be called ‘Pa Ni’

Satire...

Mumbai: Reports coming out Mumbai suggest that Pahlaj Nihalani, India’s Censor Board Chief, has decided to censor his own name. Apparently, Mr. Nihalani was so frustrated after the Mumbai High Court cleared ‘Udta Punjab’ with just one cut out of the 94 suggested by the Censor Board, that he decided to go to CBFC Headquarters and issue a notification regarding censorship of his own name.

While this Faking News reporter could not get in touch with Mr. Nihalani, he managed to get in touch with Tadapit Marathe – Mr. Nihalani’s PA (Personal Assistant). “Yes it is true,” Tadapit said, speaking over phone. “Pahlaj bhau has censored his own name. According to him, his old name was not according to guidelines. Bhau has said that with his new name, he will now be as pavitra as ‘paanee’.”
Meanwhile, Anurag Kashyap reportedly called Mr. Nihalani nee Mr. Ni to thank him for providing free publicity to ‘Udta Punjab’ as also to congratulate him on his new name.

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2016/06/16/pahlaj-nihalani-to-censor-his-own-name-to-now-be-called-pa-ni/

Pahlaj Nihalani goes bald after asking his barber for too many cuts

Couldn't resist. Satire.

Mumbai: In breaking news today, Censor Board Chief, Pahlaj ‘Sankaari’ Nihalani went bald after a haircut in which he kept asking his barber to make more cuts. The haircut reportedly occurred around 8 PM yesterday in a hair salon near the Bandra society where Mr. Nihalani lives.

Talking about the incident, Tadapit Munde – Mr. Nihalani’s barber for the day – said, “I do not know what Nihalani bhau wanted. He kept asking me to ‘cut more’ whenever I would finish the haircut. Ultimately I picked up a shear and shaved him bald. It was only then did he stop asking me to ‘cut more’ of his hair. Ganja hee karna tha to pehle bol dete… itna time khasti nahin karta.”

“I asked him several times if I should stop but he kept saying ‘aur kato, sab as per guidelines hona chahiye‘. What could I do?” questioned the barber.

Mr. Nihalani was seen greeting people at his residence, claiming that his new look was even more ‘sanskaari’ than before. Filmmakers meanwhile wondered if having taken out his “censorship tendencies” on his hair, Mr. Nihalani would advise lesser cuts for movies.

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2016/06/pahlaj-nihalani-goes-bald-after-asking-his-barber-for-too-many-cuts/

Book Review: The Meadow by Adrian Levy, Cathy Scott-Clark

I chanced upon Levy and Scott-Clarke's book 'The Siege' - a fantastic non-fiction thriller about the 26/11 Mumbai terror invasion - which led me to explore the author duo's other works. Though 'Deception' seemed a juicier story, I was forced to pick up 'The Meadow' since 'Deception' was not available in India (Aargh!).

And boy, did the duo not disappoint again! 'The Meadow' is a fantastic fly-on-the-wall non-fiction account of the 1995 kidnapping of six foreign tourists in Kashmir. Levy and Scott-Clarke patiently take the reader through all the players of the Game - Masood Azhar (and his father), Kashmir homegrown militants (such as Sikander), the Pakistani ISI and a myriad of Indian agencies right from the state police to RAW.

The book starts off slow as it takes you through the lives of the foreigners, before it all began. Give it time, though. The authors' investigation(s) eventually reveals a bombshell you will not expect.

Some day someone (hopefully the authors of this book) will write a complete book on Azhar - he is after all more adept at protecting his hide than Osama ever was, in addition to being arguably as adept at terrorism (his fingerprints are on the India Parliament attack, 26/11, Daniel Pearl beheading, London 7/7, etc.) Till then, 'The Meadow' is 'Masood Azhar: Origins' as much as it is the story of a kidnapping gone wrong.