Book Review: Amritsar: Mrs. Gandhi's Last Battle by Mark Tully, Satish Jacob

I have recently gotten hooked to Indian history again, after a few years. To be honest, except Guha's "India after Gandhi", I wasn't aware of any good book on India's history post Independence. And I have recently come across around five...

I read 'Amritsar' right after Kuldip Nayar's fantastic 'Emergency Retold' and loved it. Mark Tully and Satish Jacob take the reader behind the facade of the players and play-makers in the great Punjab game of the 80's. Tully/ Jacob lay bare the machinations behind the Bhindrawale movement - making crucial revelations such as the Congress and Akali hand in creating the monster. 'Amritsar' is a thriller from start to finish; Tully/ Jacob keep the narrative taut from the start - discord in Punjab to finish - Indira Gandhi's death.

Delectable read.

On my reading list next, Manoj Mitta's 'When a tree shook Delhi'.

Book Review: Emergency Retold by Kuldip Nayar

I remember asking my mother if she remembered the Emergency in the 70's and she told me, "Yes, a lot of people went to jail; but corruption went away. Trains, buses used to be on time." That and the undeniable fact that Indira Gandhi had induced the Emergency to satiate her hunger for power, had been my narrow viewpoint on the Emergency. I came across Nayar's book and picked it up, wanting to know what had really happened.

I loved Nayar's 'Emergency Retold'. Except for certain parts where Nayar lends voice to lengthy diatribes by leaders against the Emergency, the narrative is taut and thriller-like. If you think the Congress leaders of today are sycophantic (towards that magnificent buffoon Rahul Gandhi), you must read 'Emergency Retold' to understand where the seeds of this sycophancy were sown. The Indira/ Sanjay combine killed the spirit of the Congress to such an extent that sycophancy became the norm as opposed to the exception.

A fantastic record of Indira's India in the 70's.

HBO to replace George Martin with Ekta Kapoor, all GoT characters to come back from dead

Heeheehee... Satire...

Mumbai/Los Angeles. Facing enormous backlash over having killed over hundred central characters in Game of Thrones, HBO, the maker of the series, has decided to replace George Martin, the current writer, with Ekta Kapoor. Reliable sources from within both HBO and Ekta Kapoor’s office have confirmed the news.

“We killed off so many of our principal characters that we had begun losing some of our loyal viewership,” an HBO official said, on condition of anonymity. “After a point, even the sex scenes did not help. So we looked offshore and found that there was apparently a lady in India who had expertise in bringing characters back from the dead. We have replaced George Martin with this lady, with immediate effect.”

Sources from within Ms. Kapoor’s office told us that twenty of the characters including Joffrey, Eddard Stark and Drogo would be brought back from the dead in the next few episodes. Most of these characters would likely get facial transplants as well, in case the original characters were not available.

“Ekta madam has also suggested that we also move the storyline thirty years forward since Westeros has become a little boring; so we might do that as well,” the source said.

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/06/hbo-to-replace-george-martin-with-ekta-kapoor-all-got-characters-to-come-back-from-dead/

Arnab Goswami claims Times Now impact as Sun’s temperature reduces by 0.02 degrees Celsius

Inspired by the daily 'Times Now Impact' bulletins. Satire.

Mumbai. Times Now and Arnab Goswami took credit for the twelve millionth thing this year – the sun’s temperature reducing by 0.02 degrees Celsius last week.

While the Sun’s actual temperature is 15 million degrees Celsius and scientists said that such a reduction would not have any material impact on anything, Arnab Goswami still went ahead and claimed that the the temperature reduction was because of non-stop and meaningful reporting by him.

“Out Lower Parel office gets direct sunlight from one side of the building where Arnab’s Goswami private soundproof cabin is,” a Times Now official revealed, “Our editor-in-chief had been vocally complaining about the sunlight for some time now, threatening to force the Sun out of solar system if it didn’t stop sending scorching rays. Last week Arnab threatened the Sun of dragging it into the surya namaskar controversy around Yoga if it didn’t lower down its temperature.”

“The temperature came down immediately the next day by a staggering 0.02 degrees Celsius – the number is bigger in Fahrenheit I think,” the official proudly claimed, “If this is not Times Now Impact, then what is?”

Meanwhile AAP took credit for the temperature reduction too. “Yeh hai aam admee ki takaat,” Arvind Kejriwal said.

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/06/arnab-goswami-claims-times-now-impact-as-suns-temperature-reduces-by-0-02-degrees-celsius/

After mobile internet, Idea now targets air; Idea Air Network launched

Inspired by Idea's IIN moronic-ness. Satire.

Mumbai: After running a large scale campaign depicting mobile internet as an “Idea Cellular invention”, the telecom company has gone ahead and staked claim to having invented a special kind of air as well.

A company spokesperson said that any air that had Idea mobile network waves traveling through it would now be called IAN or Idea Air Network.

“We firmly believe that just like IIN or Idea Internet Network, IAN or Idea Air Network would be much better for people,” the spokesperson said in a press conference, “IIN enables people to become far more educated than any IIM would. Similarly, IAN would help people to breathe much better than normal and be better human beings, in general.”

When asked how air with Idea airwaves was different from normal air, the spokesperson replied, “It’s all very technical, you will not understand. Also we have already spent several crores on the campaign already, so we’ll make sure people think it is true, even if it is not. You guys shouldn’t worry about that.”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/06/14/after-mobile-internet-idea-now-targets-air-idea-air-network-launched/

Afraid of Arnab Goswami, Singapore withdraws clean chit for Maggi

Couldn't resist... Satire.

Delhi/ Singapore: After making headlines for allowing the sale of Maggi noodles made in India, Singapore has gone ahead and withdrawn the clean chit.

While the nation state that it was banning the sale pending a secondary review, sources from within the Singapore government have confirmed that the ban occurred because several officials started getting calls from the Times Now office.

“A certain Mr. Arnab Goswami from some channel called Times Now has been calling several of us through the week, asking us ‘India wanted to know why we did not ban Maggi’,” a Singapore government official said, on condition of anonymity.

“He keeps shouting at us even when we give him rational explanations. He threatened some of us that he would travel to Singapore and question us in person as well. We are genuinely scared of this fellow; most of us have increased our medical insurance limits after Jack Qi in the Finance Ministry got high blood pressure from one such call.”

“We did not know India wanted to know so badly,” the official said.

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/06/14/afraid-of-arnab-goswami-singapore-withdraws-clean-chit-for-maggi/

Baba Ram Raheem Singh elated to find MSG in Maggi

Satire. Inspired by the Maggi controversy...
Punjab: Even as the government ordered recall of Maggi noodle packets from across India, Baba Gurmeet Ram Raheem Singh Ji Insaan – the figurehead of Dera Sacha Sauda – announced his elation at there being “MSG” in Maggi.

“I am happy that MSG is also in Maggi now, so soon after I put it in movie theatres,” Mr. Insaan said, referring to his movie “Messenger of God”. And then suddenly cradling a packet of Maggi in his hand, he began singing, “Never Ever, I Forget You Never Ever, without You My Life Never Ever, You Are Mine Forever, You Every One`s Pride You Every One`s Life For Ever For Ever.”

This reporter later found out that this was a song from the same MSG movie which starred Mr. Insaan.

Meanwhile supporters outside the Baba’s house could be seen celebrating with packets of Maggi.

“These idiots are the only people who are buying Maggi right now,” a kirana owner near the Baba’s Ashram said. “They are actually paying twenty rupees for a ten rupee pack.”

“Koi hum mein sant kehta hai, koi kehta hai farishta, koi kehta hai guru, toh koi kehta hai bhagwan … lekin hum toh hai sirf Insaan!” Baba G. R. R. S. Ji Insaan concluded, while slurping from a bowl of Maggi.

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2015/06/11/baba-ram-raheem-singh-elated-to-find-msg-in-maggi/

Book Review: Dhanda by Shobha Bondre

 I got onto this book after reading the fantastic 'Rokda' from the same publisher. I am in a phase where I am finding contemporary Indian history interesting, which is why I breezed through Shobha Bondre's 'Dhanda' in two days.

Though I liked the book, it had two major flaws. One, except the Gujarati Mayor character, I had heard of none of the other Gujaratis before. To be frank, I expected Ambani, Adani, et al to feature in the book. Two, unlike Rokda the book was written in first person and the narrative shifted several times from the protagonist to the protagonist's wife to the protagonist's son and so on.

Even so, the book was a breezy airport read. What struck me was the almost infinite energy that Gujaratis possess. If half of us did our jobs or businesses with half that passion, we would have books written about us too!

Book Review: Belong by Fazle Hasnayen

A heartfelt story of a man's struggle in life. Would have been a masterpiece in the hands of an author with some degree of command over the English language. Unfortunately, the grammar in the book is so bad that it throws you off. Still, wasn't too bad.

Read it in a period when I was more forgiving of Indian authors.