Inspired by my own Airtel connection. Satire...
Gurgaon: Airtel today announced that it will build “4G Temples” where its customers would be able to come and pray for a working data connection. After a lot of people complained that 4G seems to be working only at places where 4G girl goes, Airtel decided to build these temples with her statue to extend their network.
People will have a choice of praying to the ‘4G Girl’ statue in the
temple or making a monetary contribution to the ‘4G Temple fund’, Airtel
said, to help themselves achieve a better data connection on a
spiritual plane.
“We have tried everything, but our data signals only work in a 100
meter radius of our corporate office and in a 200 meter radius of
wherever our Airtel 4G Girl goes. We thought about cloning her to
improve our connectivity across the country but that would have been too
expensive and won’t have increased our revenues either. Now,temples
will be cheaper plus we will get some donations as well,” a senior
executive with Airtel said, on condition of anonymity.
“Somehow our network automatically deducts 1 to 2 Gs from anyone’s data signal speed. So a 4G generally works at 2G speed, a 3G at 1G speed and 2G data signals don’t work at all. Therefore, we decided to build these temples where people can come and pray for a working data connection from the queen of 4G speed”, said the executive.
“This will also help us reduce our customer service workforce,” he added. “We had hired a few thousand people under MNREGA last year who would sit around, take some calls and act clueless on phone with our customers. Now we will just play a recorded message for people complaining about their data signals that they can go and pray at their nearest Airtel 4G Temple.”
Meanwhile, some skeptics have said that nothing like 4G speed exists and it is just superstition.
http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2016/04/airtel-to-build-4g-girl-temples-where-airtel-customers-can-pray-for-a-good-data-connection/
Gurgaon: Airtel today announced that it will build “4G Temples” where its customers would be able to come and pray for a working data connection. After a lot of people complained that 4G seems to be working only at places where 4G girl goes, Airtel decided to build these temples with her statue to extend their network.
“We have tried everything, but our data signals only work in a 100
meter radius of our corporate office and in a 200 meter radius of
wherever our Airtel 4G Girl goes. We thought about cloning her to
improve our connectivity across the country but that would have been too
expensive and won’t have increased our revenues either. Now,temples
will be cheaper plus we will get some donations as well,” a senior
executive with Airtel said, on condition of anonymity.“Somehow our network automatically deducts 1 to 2 Gs from anyone’s data signal speed. So a 4G generally works at 2G speed, a 3G at 1G speed and 2G data signals don’t work at all. Therefore, we decided to build these temples where people can come and pray for a working data connection from the queen of 4G speed”, said the executive.
“This will also help us reduce our customer service workforce,” he added. “We had hired a few thousand people under MNREGA last year who would sit around, take some calls and act clueless on phone with our customers. Now we will just play a recorded message for people complaining about their data signals that they can go and pray at their nearest Airtel 4G Temple.”
Meanwhile, some skeptics have said that nothing like 4G speed exists and it is just superstition.
http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2016/04/airtel-to-build-4g-girl-temples-where-airtel-customers-can-pray-for-a-good-data-connection/
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