Book Review: Enemy at the Gates by William Craig

I picked up this book to augment my ever growing collection of World War books. The book carries the same cover as the movie by the same name starring Jude Law and Rachel Weisz- scenes from which have remained embedded in my head ever since I saw it. Remember the scene where Vasily Zaytsev, a shephard from the Urals, becomes Vasily Zaytsev, the super-sniper? Surrounded by the corpses of his comrades, he shoots dead seven or eight Nazis with a political officer beside him- a political officer who goes on to propagate the myth and legend of Vasily Zaytsev.

However, 'Enemy at the Gates' (thankfully) is not the story of Vasily Zaytsev, not just his story anyway. It is the story of how Stalin made Stalingrad a sort of a last stand; after all, the city had the Boss’ name in it. It is the story of how the Russians and Germans fought- hand to hand at times. It was incredible for the boy in me, so fascinated by war, when the two sides wrestled for control of factories or houses or incredulously, for rooms of houses. Battles were fought literally to take control of houses or rooms at strategic locations. The blood and gore in the story almost seeps off the page and into one’s room.

Vasily Zaytsev’s story remains my favorite part of the book but the book is essential reading to understand how our world came to be the world it is. The incredible story of how the Russian soldier- so often outgunned, outfed and outmaneuvered by the shrewd, well fed and up to date Nazi- took the city back, fighting and sacrificing his life for gains of a few yards of earth at times. The plight is later chronicled by a book called Ivan’s War but I felt Enemy at the Gates was the best in-situ description of the plight of 'Ivan'- the generic Russian soldier- who seemed to be propelled by morale and a fear of slaughter by Stalin’s political officers alone.

Must read.

Book Review: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

I was surprised when I heard that this book was being made into a movie because the book in itself is quite anti-climactic. It is safe to say that I have never read such a book in my entire life- told in the way it was; so brave for an author to actually at times to reveal the end, without worrying about the reader feeling shortchanged. After all, the whole point of a book is to know what happens at the end.

But the whole point of 'The Book Thief' is to enjoy the journey Zusak affords you. Set in Nazi Germany in World War II, the book is a look at the futility of war and genocide from the eyes of a young girl. The book moves forward at a leisurely languid pace; the best analogy that I can use to describe the book is that it is like a train journey through a scenic countryside- and you chug along to the rhythmic bumping of the train, entirely captivated and moved by the world passing you by.

The Book Thief is set in a world that just passed us by. Narrated, dramatically (initially), poetically (later) and hauntingly (eventually) by Death, the storytelling is an experiment that clearly works.

What I do not understand is how someone will convert the poetry of the prose to film. The whole point of the story of 'The Book Thief' is that you have to read it to understand its beauty.

Book Review: Romancing with Life by Dev Anand

Brought to you by the same mind that brought you crass such as “Mr. Prime Minister”, “Censor”, “Love in Times Square”, etc. Dev Anand’s autobiography- Romancing with Life- is a hodgepodge, below par literary effort, mostly overflowing with Mr. Anand’s barely concealed lust for women. When I started reading the book, I expected to come across filmy anecdotes- to be transported to the world of cinema my parents had seen and grown up with. Instead I had to contend with the ramblings of a mind ranging from infantile to senile.

If I read the signs correctly, 'Romancing with Life' is more of a chronicle of Dev Anand’s love affairs than anything else. It is hard to believe the string of women he describes (in great detail) as being buxom or curvy or dressed in such and such way, were not the objects of his desire, romance or lust. There are a few strong points in the book though- parts where Dev Anand actually talks about the era gone by; one of the best points in the book is when he, Dilip Kumar and Raj Kumar meet Jawahar Lal Nehru. In any other book, this would have been a drab boring literary piece; but the rest of the book was so bad that in comparison, this meeting stood out.

Only in one section does Dev Anand admit his extramarital “feelings”; in this section, Zeenat Aman becomes the object of his desire and affection and Mr. Anand admits that he was about to profess his love to her, when fate stepped in.

Take my advice; avoid Dev Anand’s ramblings. Read Saadat Hasan Manto’s 'Stars from another sky' instead.

Rahul labels Modi “monster”; engineers start sending CVs to Modi thinking he runs Monster.com

Satire.

Bangalore: After Rahul Gandhi, poll campaign chief of the Congress, labelled Narendra Modi a “monster” in a mega rally in India’s information technology hub, Bangalore, today, this had an unexpected reaction on the mostly engineering employee population of the city.

Mistaking Mr. Gandhi’s words to be true, the engineers presumed that Narendra Modi was the man behind Monster.com and began sending their CVs to him, in hope of better, higher paying jobs.

“Monster meaning Monster.com, no?” a software engineer called Tadapit Kumar, who has been on the bench for three and a half years asked this reporter, with hope in his eyes. “A lot of us Infosysites have sent our CVs to Modiji… if he runs Monster.com, he can hopefully get us something better than this pointless existence at negligible pay.”

“They all made the mistake of taking Mr. Gandhi seriously,” Kapil Sibal said, defending Rahul Gandhi. “The first lesson we learnt when Rahulji joined the party was to not take him seriously. In fact, people should not take any of us seriously at all… that’s what differentiates us from BJP’s kattar soch.”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/02/27/rahul-labels-modi-monster-engineers-start-sending-cvs-to-modi-thinking-he-runs-monster-com/

Unable to crush media, Shinde crushes other things to take out frustration

Inspired by the serial goof-ster's "media crushing" remark.

 

Confused by malfunctioning Google Maps, AAP supporter enters wrong protest marches; continues to protest

 Oh Arvind... the inevitable fall from grace... from being the stuff of headlines to being the stuff of satire.

Jantar Mantar, New Delhi: An Aam Admee volunteer recently made the headlines after being photographed protesting in three separate protest marches. The man in question had apparently purchased a new smartphone and had gotten thrown off track by the malfunctioning Google Maps on his phone, thereby entering three protests- none of which were organized by his party. The volunteer in question- called Tadapit Kumar- works as a software engineer when not protesting or dharna-ing.

“I had come to Jantar Mantar to protest against the role of Mukesh Ambani in ensuring BJP/ Congress governments remain corrupt and had driven to the location based on a Google Maps link sent to me by my friend on Whatsapp,” Tadapit said. “But there were so many protests going on together that I entered the wrong protest, not once but three times. The first time, I joined protests for a free Tibet, the second time I joined a protest march by Delhi state Congress against the anarchy of the Aam Admee Party and the third one I joined was not a protest but just a group of very drunk boisterous Punjabi men, who were shouting incomprehensible things. By the time I found our party’s protest against the Ambani- political party nexus, everybody had gone home and all that was left was Arvind Kejriwal telling me that we had won a moral victory.”

“Arvindji has assured me tomorrow we will protest against Google and Whatsapp,” Tadapit added, with a smile.

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/02/26/confused-by-malfunctioning-google-maps-aap-supporter-enters-wrong-protest-marches-continues-to-protest/

MBA intern critical after trying to eat pie chart from a presentation

Powerpoint poisoning! Satire.

Mumbai: A B-Schooler interning for a consulting firm had to be admitted to a hospital after he allegedly tried to eat the pie chart from a presentation made by the CEO, mistaking it for real food.

The incident reportedly happened at the induction ceremony organized by the firm in question for the summer interns it had picked up from B-Schools across India.

“His name was Tadapit Kumar and he had joined us from one of the IIMs,” a senior HR executive in the firm said. “Apparently he had never seen a pie chart before in his life and thought it was real food. He leapt at the projector screen and started to chew it up.”

One of Tadapit’s fellow interns however, had a slightly different story to tell. “The CEO had been going on and on about the pie chart for hours on end,” the fellow intern said, on condition of anonymity. “I think it was more of a case of powerpoint poisoning… Tadapit merely leapt at the CEO with the mouth open so that he might shut up but ended up falling with his mouth open on the projector screen.”

“All of us were half asleep anyway,” the fellow intern added. “The incident woke most of us up. But two interns kept sleeping even after the incident.”

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/02/mba-intern-critical-after-trying-to-eat-pie-chart-from-a-presentation/

Rahul Gandhi takes “Harry Potter which character are you quiz” and finds he is Rahul Gandhi

Plausible.

New Delhi: In a recent development at 10 Janpath, Rahul Gandhi happened to take a Facebook Quiz to find out which character of the Harry Potter series he was and discovered that he was ‘Rahul Gandhi’.
The quiz in question had reportedly been forwarded to him by Kapil Sibal, who had himself taken the quiz to find out that he was ‘Wormtail’ the previous day. Needless to say, Mr. Gandhi was extremely disappointed with the ‘kattar soch’ of the Facebook Quiz app.

“Rahul Gandhiji took the quiz and found out he was Rahul Gandhiji,” Kapil Sibal said in an interview with this Faking News reporter. “We are all very disappointed with Facebook’s way of working. What does a young emerging rising shining star types anti-corruption crusader have to do to find out which character of Harry Potter he is? This is shameless on Mark Zuckerberg’s part.”

“We are sure there is Narendra Modi’s hand in this,” Sibal added. “After all, he is the only one who has so many Facebook fan pages. Name one Rahul Gandhi fanpage on Facebook that is not full of his spoofs and jokes?”

 http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/02/24/rahul-gandhi-takes-harry-potter-which-character-are-you-quiz-and-finds-he-is-rahul-gandhi

Asked repeatedly to think “out of the box”, Management Trainee starts wearing cardboard box to office

Am on a Dilbert reading spree... couldn't resist getting inspired.


Mumbai: A Management Trainee recently became the talk of his consulting firm’s entire office floor, when he reported to work wearing a cardboard box for a shirt. Apparently, the trainee in question- a passout from a reputed B-School- had been told by his boss in his appraisal discussion to think “out of the box more often”.

“In the last 6 months since joining this firm, I have made 1123 excel spreadsheets and 517 powerpoint presentations,” Tadapit Kumar, the Management Trainee in the cardboard box suit said, when accosted by this Faking News reporter.

“I have had no personal life, hardly any time for a social life- barely enough for eating and sleeping. My girlfriend left me and my family now thinks I would have been better off in Yerwaada Jail… at least, there you get more holidays than in our consulting firm.”

“And at the end of it all, having done everything, all this backbreaking demeaning donkey work so that my boss could look good- even to the extent of carrying his printouts for him and taking his pet dog for its early morning urinating session,” said Mr. Tadapit passionately, “he gave me a shitty review and told me to think out of the box more. So I have started wearing this cardboard box shirt with a slit for my head. My body is in the box but my head- where all the thinking happens- is definitely out of the box.”

“Now we’ll see what happens,” he concluded. “Maybe, he’ll ask me to go back to thinking in the box.”

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/02/out-of-the-box-look/

With ban on ‘lal battis’, disgruntled VIPs to move around with ‘lal battis’ on their heads

 My sympathies with those that bought red beacons just before Supreme Court banned them... Paise waste ho gaye bicharon ke.

New Delhi: Pissed off by the Supreme Court’s diktat that only high dignitaries and those holding constitutional posts could use ‘lal battis’ (red beacons), several P’s (persons) who had earlier been using lal battis with gay abandon have been forced to take drastic measures.

Faking News has discovered that since they were no longer allowed to place the lal battis on their cars, several of these people have started placing the beacon on their own heads or on other things such as pet dogs.

“I had a lal batti on my Alto car earlier,” Tadapit Kumar, a junior level Grade six bureaucrat and erstwhile gardener of Sheila Dikshit said. “It used to get me out of all kinds of sticky situations and trouble with the cops. Also I could as good as park my car in the middle of the road with the lal batti on, in all kinds of no-parking zones.”

“I still have the lal batti,” Tadapit Kumar said, “so I am going to keep using it. These days I go to office with the lal batti on my head and make the trenh-trenh sounds that the batti used to make myself. One of my colleagues has affixed the lal batti to his dog and another to his pet cow.”

http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/02/22/with-ban-on-lal-battis-disgruntled-vips-to-move-around-with-lal-battis-on-their-heads/